Poem in Your Pocket Giveaway!

April is National Humor Month and National Poetry Month. So what better way to celebrate than put them both together and have a Humor Poetry Contest!  The rules are simple:
  1. We will give you a word, such as flounder or bookworm, and you will write an humorous poem based on that word in the comments below. 
  2. The poem can be rhyming, free verse, Haiku or any other style you like
  3. The poem should be no more than 20 lines long.
  4. Your poem can be about any subject you like, but as with the comments on this blog, please do contribute constructively to the task at hand and do not include profanity, personal attacks or seek to promote a personal or unrelated business.
  5. The contest begins April 17 at noon and ends April 18 at noon.
  6. Leave your poem in the comments of this post.
  7. The winner will be randomly chosen by 4p.m. on April 18 (no purchase necessary) 
  8. The winner will receive a $10 HPB gift card!
And your word is: BUMP. Here’s a sample poem: 


I found a curious bump this morning

When I was making up my bed

It was large and round and oddly enough

About the size of my head.


My hands flew to my face

My head where it ought to be

I would hate to think my head

Hadn’t gotten up with me.


Carefully, I poked the bump

And it began to growl

But since I don’t have a pet

I had to wonder how


I quickly threw the covers back

Letting loose a scream of fright

As a raccoon flew out the window

Which will be shut tonight.

Submit your poem in the comments below! Happy Poetry Month! — Julie 

Julie is Production Manager at Half Price Books Corporate.
You may follow her on Twitter at @auntjewey.

30 thoughts on “Poem in Your Pocket Giveaway!

  1. As I sat on a log with a bump,A poke on the rear made me jump!Just what could it be,Taking bites out of me?Oh, just a jagged-edged stump!

  2. Bump bump went something over my headBump bump, really more of a thumpI worried over what it might beMaybe its just a treeOr it could be a really big monster,Flown in from the seaSomehow I found the courage to go lookAnd realized it was my cat, knocking over some books

  3. I heard a thumpand then a bumpafraid to leave my bedWhat could it be afraid to see for it might make me deadI took a chanceand risked a glanceto see that which I dreadAnd to my surpriseI saw cat eyesjust waiting to be fed

  4. When I hit my head upon the stumpUpon my head I found a lumpThat a mountain could not trump.'Twas was a mighty large bump.

  5. Bumpy RoadI went out bikingOne sunny afternoonEnjoying the lovely dayAs the weather was just rightAs I rode down the street Took a right turn pass the libraryAll of a sudden I find myselfIn a bumpy situationThe street was full of potholesI knew that would mean troubleIf I were to ride over a fewI'd be finding myself on a bumpy rideSo I made some manuversTurning left and rightSwirling passed each potholeThat I saw in my pathI was able to avoid themAs best as I couldBut I rode right into a bumpSending me flying as I landed on my rump

  6. I turned over one night and felt a curious bump.Deep under the covers, like a camel's lost hump.For a moment, I started, afraid of what mayhave come to rest there, and what it might say.I studied that bump, in fear for my life.Too big to be dog, too small to be wife.Gently, gingerly, I poked at the thing.But no cry, no growl, no purr did it bring.Emboldened, then, I leapt from the bed.Casting glances around, and ducking my head.But the bump remained still. Did I imagine its motion?A joke, or a prank? Or a more venomous notion?Grasping for arms, I reached toward the fire.Seizing a poker, the bump feeding my ire.I thrashed it, beat it, gave it a pound.But not once did the bump ever utter a sound.Aghast, I bolted from the room with a jerk.In the hall, I collided with my wife, off to work."Happy Birthday!" she said. "I see you're awake!""Before leaving, I tucked you in bed with your cake!"

  7. Okay, this is a quick ditty composed while I should be working:Potholes fill the road,stretching as far as the eye can see. With this winterit really isn't very surprising. Swerve goes the car,seeking to avoid the fate of falling in a deep hole on the highway. Swerve!It worked, the pothole is now in therear view mirror.Bump!Where did that curbcome from? Next time,eyes forward!

  8. BumpThere is a bumpIn the middle of the nightI look aroundBut there is no one in sightNext to me in bedThere lays a lumpSleeping and snoring awayHe did not hear the bumpSo I think on allOf the things that go bumpBut in the night or morningEither way I am stumpedThen I lay back downAnd cuddle next to my lumpAnd there in the nightI decide to just pinch his rump!

  9. The threadI thought was deadis now ahead!The jumpcame from a bump,made by a chump.The wordsnow fly like birdsbecause of nerds.The end,whose sign portend,bump doth extend.

  10. Ive done it! Its finished!Its all gone as planned!Ive built this fine bookcasewith my own two hands!With mounds of tapeand cardboard and foamI now have a placefor my books to call homeWith books organizedTheyre standing with prideI stand back and smileand admire all sidesBut as I turn to leavemy shoulder, it bumps!The case twists and turnsthen falls to a hump!My babies! I cry,as they go in a heapbut I suppose thats what I getfor being so cheap.-Dene J.

  11. "Oooh! Can I touch it?"I suppose you can.After all, my bumpIs now apparently public property."Are you excited?"That you want to Manhandle my belly?Not particularly,No."What a cute bump!"Thanks, I guess.I can only hopeYou'll think the babyIs cute, too.

  12. I was reading a book at nightWhen something caught my sightI looked about the room And, noticed an outside bright lightI kept my focus in the white lightBack and forth, back and forthThe tree branches were in flightThen, I saw something fly by, black as nightThat gave me a gigantic frightI screeched and screeched and ran down the hallway To the next room where I might be safeAs, I heard the door creek down the stairsI shoved myself in a dark closet, not to be seen or heardCreak creak squeakCreak creak squeak The noise was getting closer I crabbed all the coats in the closet and hid underneath them praying for whatever it was to go awayAll of a sudden, the noise stopped and I had swallowed for the last time I gulped and had a lump of saliva and air in my throat Everything was silent, no sounds at the moment I kept telling myself if I don't move or breath everything will be okA still silence was welcomeAs, I lay inside the dark closet, my thoughts ranI needed to make a plan, to escape Get out from under this drape of coats and jacketsI moved my leg because it was trapped and my leg was crampedCrash crash crashAll the hangers fell the the wooden cold floorI screamed and ran out of the closet, as I was afraid to be foundI ran back to my room and hid under the bed, as it had a lower bed sham, to hide me from any viewI started to hear more foot steps and creaks And started to panic and gasp for airAll of a sudden, I hear a crack, snap, pop outside the windowTo scared to crawl out to look, I peak through a hole in the shamI see a whirlwind of tree branches blowing around and lights bouncing back and forthI lay there for a moment, giving myself courage to crawl outMoments seem to drag and drag, like having the mumpsFinally, there was pure silence, a silence so quiet that it's like your swimming under water in a dreamI crawl from under the bed and inch toward the window like a snake sleeking across the floorFind the courage to prompt my body up to sneak a still terrified peak outside the windowI see nothing and hear nothingI unlock the window to see if the silence is true and lift it with all my might just enough to stick my head out into the nightI was rightThe sound was gone, gone like the wind from last Fall.I was calming myself now And becoming withdrawn from the fright that took me to the window this same nightI took a deep breath, one, two, three and another, until I felt calm and could crawl back into bed As, I turned around, I caught my reflection in the windowIt startled me for that second, then I just laughed it off I turned around and headed for the bed, the bedThat shed the light of all this horrific fright of this nightI got into bed with out shutting the window and caught the chill of the wind that gave me goose bumpsall through the nightI woke with the lights on They were bright as the street light last nightI noticed that the window was shut, hmm…Did I get up in the middle of the night to shut the window that began my frightI don't remember Another thing to ponder about last nightI walked to my bedroom door and remembered for sure that I did not shut itBut, it was shut this AMAnother thing to ponder about my night of frightThings are just out of sightMight I be that dim of lost sightI slipped on my robe and opened the doorNothing out of the ordinary in sightI walked to the bedroom down the hall to rehang the coats in the closetAnd, I find that they are no longer on the floor, hmmmI wonder again how such vivid actions could of vanished out of sightI proceed to the washroom and get dressed for the dayI want to look bright eyed and at peaceI skipped down the stairs to the kitchen and see the cat jump from wall to wallTo my surprise I see the catnip strewn on the floor That may have been the fright of my gloom nightNo, I think that is just silly, frightened of a cats sprite in the nightThou, he may have been the reason why I had a bumpy nightHe may have bumped into trinkets in every room that had caused a sound of fright in the nightI swept up the catnip and began my dayCoffee, eggs, toast, bacon and juiceMy day was bright withdrawn of frightI grabbed my keys for my car and walked into the garage to start my carDarn! I need a jumpLuckily. I have jumper cables and my other car to get it goingPiece of cakeI got it started.Time to begin my day.Oops, forgot my purse.I ran back into the house, up the stairs, through the kitchen to the living room And, bang bang bang bang bang snap snap boom boom boomI slip and fall and bang my head into a large black wallI must have a lump from the bump as big as a stump of a tree that was cut down near the grumpy neighbors house.Ouch, I screamed. And, how did this black board get into my house?hmmm,Things are not as they seemWhat is wrong with me, snap out of it.All of a sudden the board moves, whaaaaaaaaaat?Yikes!I turn around and take a deep breath, nothing is there, nothing is there….Poof!Surprise! Surprise!I faint and hit my head against the slump in the wallGreat another bump as I lay unconcentious on the floor.People are shaking me trying to wake me up."It's not a dream, it's real" and "it's your birthday"!Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!Sometimes, the bumps in the night trigger a fright so real, that your in it, until you wake up and smell the roses.Roses, I did receive as well.All the bumps in life couldn't keep me from enjoying my birthday.A bumpy day is a lump of sugar, as sweet as all my friends, that planned the surprise of a life time.

  13. There once was a sad little BUMPkinWho lived like a BUMP on a pumpkin.But then late in the night, 'twas a terrible sight!That BUMPkin got her big rump BUMPed in.

  14. Its past midnight and I should be asleep But this terrible soundBump bump swoosh Over and over again Bump bump swoosh, bump bump swooshEvery night like clockwork, bump bump swooshI've lost too many hours of sleep because of this awful noise, bump bump swoosh Bump bump swoosh I throw a pillow its general directionIt only makes things worseSomehow its managed to get louderBUMP BUMP SWOOSHI've angered it, it wont stop, BUMP BUMP SWOOSH BUMP BUMP SWOOSHThe cat, bump bump swooshAs if I should be punished for loving and feeding her, bump bump swooshI've done this to myself, bump bump swooshI've should have known better than to buy her a toy, bump bump swooshShe is nocturnal after all, bump bump swooshBUMP BUMP swoooooosh

  15. As a little girl I satupon my grandads wrinkled lapand hed recount the changing factsof how that bump got on his backHe told me once a gypsy man Cursed him when he tried to scamThe gypsy girls out of their jewelsBy trading polished reindeer stooolsAnd once he said with lies it growsJust like pinocchio's wooden noseIt was a mole at time of birthBut years of lies increased its girthMy grandad told me countless talesAnd through the years the truth unveiled.Ti's not the bump itself that countsbut how ridiculous you can make a story and still have a little girl believe you

  16. The bump was not thereBut we had the newsIt was flat and bareThe bump was slightIt was undetectableTo most human eyesThe bump was biggerAnd in the morningId find myself sickerThe bump was stretchedAwkward and heavyMy skin, marks were etchedThe bump was roundGrowing and pushingUntil you crownedThe bump is goneNow I have you To hold in my arms

  17. My bump, my beautiful baby bumpAt first you were just a small lumpHow I watch you get biggerId figureWith each passing dayThere's more that I can say…Waiting till the day I can hold you Kiss you and caress youOh my baby bump

  18. Falling down is what I do.Running into walls and tripping over shoes. Bumping tables and spilling drinks.Clumsiness is all mine, I think. But then she says she has bad luckWith running into doors and fingers getting stuck.I watch with amusement as she trips over her feet.Dropping food and bumping into those she meets. Clumsiness is hereditary and not just mine, I see. Bumps on my head and bruises on her knees.Poor girl, it will last forever, and I'm glad it's not just me.

  19. I open my window to the night skyA soft breeze sneaks in from the nightComfy and cozy I lay in my bedOpening my book to consume my headI turn down my oil lamp lowSo as not to let ma' and pa' knowI should already be fast asleepfor tomorrow is busy with house to keepI hear something oddI choose to ignoreA bump in the nightBump bump bump …is it on my floor?No it's outside, I look and someones there!A shadow walking briskly in their underwear!There it is again…BUMP. Ah…now I realize…It's the door…My pa' walking from the outhouse with a candle in his handthe door bumping loudly giving me a frightAll this worry, being scared of the bump, was just old pa' walking through the land from taking a dump in the middle of the night.=) Diana Nicolay

  20. As I came around the cornernear the cereal aisleanother intrepid shopperof unspeakable fashion stylebumped into the displayof Sugary Sugar Stars.They tumbled down around meand landed on my head.The manager rushed to rescue,surely fearing I may be dead.I told him I'm okay,but all I see are stars!

  21. I saw these brave people attempting Haikus and wanted to try one.Not for contest, just for fun.An angry, red bumpTiny this morning, now hugeTime to take school pics

  22. I woke this morning to a thumpstartled by clatterI looked for the matterand felt on my head a bumpmy cat had knocked overmy picture of Roverbecause she was quite a grumpI looked for my catthoughts on combatI found her for she was quite plumpher fluff did stick outbehind the stool she did poutshe ignored me and sat on her rumpI forgave her the bumpfor her cuteness did trumpthough she still is a grump

  23. Wow! I didn't know there were so many talented poets among our customers. Derek, great pothole poem. I hope you didn't get into any trouble at work ;)Donald, killing the cake made me laugh. Dene, I related to your poem. I have been told I am no longer allowed to put together furniture in my house.Joshua, nice play on wordsJulie, good use of onomatopoeiaTeri, I think I'm related to the person in your poemKaty & Kristin, great Haikus. I'm always impressed by people who can get so much across with so few words. Good job.Thank you so much for participating and good luck to you all. The winner will be announced at 4pm today.

  24. Hey everyone, we have a randomly selected winner! Congratulations to Diane Flath — Diane, please contact besocial@hpb.com with your contact information so we can send you your gift card. Thanks to everyone who participated; it was so fun reading your poems🙂 ~kd

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