“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something.” Chapter 4, The Hobbit
It goes without saying that a lot of HPB employees are huge Tolkien fans. Since I didn’t experience The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and Tolkien's other works until I was well into my 20’s, I thought perhaps some of my co-workers might have childhood memories filled with adventure stemming from Tolkien’s writings.
…and this is where this blog post begins to fall-apart. This is a true email conversation that spanned about 8 minutes total time one Tuesday afternoon. I asked my “lunch-bunch” friends in I.T. a simple question:
Me: "Do you know if anyone down there is a big-big-big Tolkien fan (or are any of you)? We have “Tolkien Reading Day” later this month and I need a blog contributor.
[If I would have listened carefully, I would have heard keyboard clicking screech to a halt and a heavy sigh on the other end of the building]
DJ: Just because we work in I.T. or have goatees does not mean we automatically nerd out about Tolkien. Having said all that, I have read all the books and own all the movies. I have not read the entire Silmarillion, so I would not say I am a big big big fan.
RT: I can’t believe you haven’t read all of the Silmarillion. When I have to walk into Mordor I don’t know if I can have you in my fellowship.
DJ: Well if you had read any of the Silmarillion then you would also know that it would not really prepare you to face Mordor in its current state.
JT: I haven’t been so insulted since Marvel replaced Brian Bendis with Andy Diggle on Daredevil. ANDY DIGGLE! So that should tell you something. I mean, why not just give it to Dan Slott?!?
DJ: Dan Slott can’t draw feet. This is known. You might as well roll a troll priest when undead is clearly the better option*.
*WoW patches circa 2009 and prior only.
ME: Decide on something. Maybe a top 5 list …something on The Hobbit (75th anniversary). If I get nothing, I am just submitting this conversation.
JT: I think you mean Rob Liefeld, but I take your point. He’s as useless as a hunter with STR attributes on his weapon!*
*so much funnier when read in the voice I’m using in my head.
DJ: Just make a “Scumbag Bilbo” meme where it has him taking Gollum’s “Precious” like a chump and call it a day.
I admit I have no idea who Dan Slott is, and don’t really care. It was just my segue way into pretentious “min-maxer” WoW comment.
RT: Yawn, this conversation is like watching two healers duel.
ME: The blog post is practically writing itself.
DT: Can we go out for ice cream now?
DJ: Geez, Dave, just sit back and enjoy the ride. Pretend you are Pippin or Merry and just chill the heck out while everyone else carries water for you.
DT: That pretty much describes most of my days.
DJ: I’m sure you would have been all for giving Tom Bombadil the one ring for safe keeping, wouldn’t you?
And then they all decided to go across the street for a smoothie.
There you have it folks. Have an extra breakfast today and crack open a Tolkien classic this fine reading day!