Parents, your long summer nightmare is nearly over and you're sending your kids back to school. Here are some back-to-school songs to keep the anxiety levels high as you hope and pray your youngsters act better than those that inspire the songs below.
"Rock 'n' Roll High School" by The Ramones from the Rock 'n' Roll High School Soundtrack
With lyrics nearly as complicated as Rebecca Black's "Friday" (a GLARING omission from this list), the Ramones' "Rock 'n' Roll High School" reminds us that school should be "Fun fun, oh baby." Who wants to be stuck in History class when you could be out cruising for chicks in your GTO?
"Another Brick in the Wall" by Pink Floyd from The Wall
"We don't need no education!" So true, Roger Waters. So true. Pink Floyd's only number one hit in the U.K. or the U.S. "Another Brick in the Wall" is spread out in three parts across Dark Side of the Moon. It's almost like you need an education just to understand it all.
"Popular" by Nada Surf from High/Low
"Popular" from Nada Surf's High/Low album is comprised of lyrics (aside from the chorus) from Penny's Guide to Teen-Age Charm and Popularity, a 1964 teen advice book written by television's Gloria Winters. This song guided me through my first year of high school. I washed my hair only once every two weeks and no one ever messed with me.
"We're Going To Be Friends" by The White Stripes from White Blood Cells
The White Stripes' "We're Going To Be Friends" offers a fond look at yesteryear, children walking to school, taking the time to study bugs along the way. I suggest playing this one in the car as you: yell at the other drivers cutting you off almost causing you to spill your latte as you rush Billy and Susie to school, while they sit in the back seat, heads glued to their iPhones, playing violent video games and texting their friends.
"Teacher's Pet" by Doris Day
“Teacher’s Pet” is perhaps the most disturbing song on the list. This song would cause hot-for-teacher Sammy Hagar to blush. "Teacher's pet. I wanna be teacher's pet. I wanna be huddled and cuddled as close to you as I can get." Oh no you don't, young lady! You're going to be homeschooled, and your teacher is going to jail.
Update: I had a Monday morning brain fart as "Another Brick in the Wall" is on Pink Floyd's The Wall album and not Dark Side of the Moon. Corrected above.